madness

once upon a time, a group of men got together to think of a way to drive their wives "mad".

"i know," said one of the not-very-bright men. "let's rally together all of the colleges throughout the land who have basketball teams and have them compete against one another. we will call it a tournament. we can all cease to do anything else except to watch all of these games. we will schedule 32 basketball games during the first two days alone, and it will be pure and utter madness."

the men were "mad".

the women were definitely "mad".

and today, on the first official day of "March Madness", i wonder if i was mad to have agreed to marry this husband of mine who buys into all of the madness.

but then i remember how much i love him.

and how amazing he is.

and what a good husband and daddy he is.

and so i humor him. and maybe even encourage him a little.

i fill out a bracket all on my own, and then tease him about how my bracket will beat his bracket.

i have a very intellectual way of making my choices.

which name do i like more?

for example, i really like the name Baylor. so, Baylor goes all the way to the final eight in my bracket.

sometimes, i don't like either of the names, or they're just plain boring names.

like Ohio State.

boring.

so, i'll ask bobby what color the teams are.

he will then give me this look, and then shake his head at the absurdity that is his wife.

but i know deep down, he's a little nervous about my system, and scared that if my bracket does happen to win, he will never, ever hear the end of it.

at least this "madness" will end in three weeks.

and then i'll have my husband back.

until then, if i'm a little "mad" at times, you'll know why!

this sweet boy, this mother's heart

let me start out by saying that i have been contemplating on how to approach this post for a while now. i am not a naturally forthcoming person, especially when it comes to personal struggles in my life. when i started this blog, yes, it was for me to have some fun, maybe "meet" some other moms out there in the blogosphere, but the main point was to let our family and friends who wanted to keep up to date with us to have an easy way to do that. also, Bobby and i thought it would be great for us to be able to look back and see things we were doing, how things changed, how Caleb's grown, and so on. we wanted to record parts of our journey, and right now, this is a big part of it.

i also want to be careful how much i put out there. i love my family so much, and i want to cherish this journey we're on together. i don't ever want to tell too much of our story. after all, this is the internet.

i always want to be honest, and not ever feel like i'm simply painting a pretty picture of the foreground just to cover up all the stuff behind it. yet i also fear i may not do well with my words, and undermine or not show sensitivity to what others are going through. we all have stuff in our lives. right now, my stuff is kinda sending me for a loop, but i fully know that there are so many who have stuff in their lives that mine doesn't come anywhere near in comparison.

so, with all that said, here goes.....



anxious...questioning...nervous...overwhelmed...inadequate...guilty...angry...scared.

these are some words that might describe what's going on inside my heart these days.


our sweet Caleb has been dealing with some developmental and communication delays, as well as some sensory issues. at 15 months, his pediatrician was concerned with the fact that he had no words, and also that he was showing very limited understanding of what we were saying. by 18 months, when there wasn't really any change, bobby and i agreed that this was something we needed to address. we have had many different evaluations done since then with a lot of different doctors and specialists. we have started early intervention therapy, speech therapy, and are trying to get started on occupational therapy as well. right now there is no reason, or diagnosis, or any real answers as to what lies ahead.

Caleb is now 22 months old. he has shown some progress with the therapy already, but still has a long ways to go. he still has no words, except maybe "go" and "dada". he is definitely aware that he is limited in how he can communicate with us, and some days he can get very frustrated and upset. some days, he is happy as can be and running around the house laughing. he has such a sweet, sweet spirit.


this is what i know in my head:

God has a plan for Caleb.

God has a plan for Bobby and me.

God made Caleb in His image. He gave him to us to be his parents. He will give us everything we need to be the parents He calls us to be.

God is good.

God is mighty.

God can move mountains.

Everything that happens in our lives, the good, the bad, and all the stuff in between, happens for a reason. Everything is for His bigger picture.

We won't always understand that this side of heaven.


in my head, i know all of that, but if i am completely honest, i have to admit that my heart's not there yet. i have complete faith and confidence that God will lead me there, but today, in this moment, with this situation, it's just not there yet.



calm...quiet...trusting...still...peaceful.

these are the words that i want to be able to use to describe my heart. that is where i want to be. that is where i yearn to be.

"Don't worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything.

Tell God your needs and don't forget to thank Him for His answers.

If you do this, you will experience His peace, which is

far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.

His peace will make your thoughts and hearts quiet and at rest

as you trust in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7

snow again, snow again

we awoke this morning to more snow!

that's three weeks in a row that it has snowed here. i don't ever remember getting this many snows so close together before. granted, it's not a lot of snow this time around - just enough to make for some pretty scenery.....

while it is nice to look at, if it doesn't clear up by tomorrow, my mommy-bible-study will be canceled for the third week in a row. i've really been missing this time, and after the kind-of-rough morning that little man and i had, i'm thinking that this mommy could really benefit from it! which translates to husband and little man benefiting as well!

valentine's day

happy valentine's day to everyone!

i will be spending the evening with two of the little men in my life while husband is at work. one of the downfalls of being in the restaurant business is that we don't get to go out for the evening ourselves. but we're used to that and it really doesn't bother me at all. we will get to go out one night next weekend, and avoid the crowds, and long wait-times, and traffic, and so-on.

my youngest brother, Christian, will come over to hang out with me and Caleb while my parents go out. i told him we could have pizza for dinner, and he asked if we could have something else. kids these days.....i can't figure them out!

anyways.....

hope you all get to spend the day with the ones you love!

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three;

but the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:13

snow

well, the first big snow of little man's life has come and gone.

it was actually the biggest snow that i can remember in years.

around here, the weather men (and women) predict lots of snow at various times throughout the winter.

children get very excited.

adults make a mad dash to kroger to buy milk and bread.

schools announce their closings.

and then.....

nothing happens.

maybe a flurry or two, but usually nothing substantial.

so we were actually very surprised when it hit us pretty quickly Friday morning, and kept on going all day long.

we hibernated all weekend long, except for an occasional trip outside.....

we didn't do much of anything for three days.

it was wonderful.

pants on the ground

no, i'm not referring to american idol, although i did think that guy was pretty amusing.

i am referring to little man.

i walked into his room the other day to get him up from his nap.

he was in his crib.

his pants were on the ground.

so was his diaper.

let's just say, the diaper was dirty.

very dirty.

there were things on his sheets that did not belong there.

he just stood there, with only his shirt on, and smiled as if nothing was wrong.

so i smiled too.

and then i laughed.

and then i took some pictures.

what kind of mommy would i be if i didn't?

i decided to spare you all from any actual images.

you'll just have to use your imagination.


speaking of things on the ground.....


every time Caleb walks by this table, he knocks the chairs to the ground.

if we put them back, he will come by and do it again.

so we leave them.

i wish i could know what was going on in his head!

happy birthday, husband!

today i am wishing my husband a happy birthday!


dear Bobby,

i am so glad that God created you! you are such an amazing man, and i am so blessed to have you in my life. i love your sweet spirit; i love that you always worry about others; i love that you can always make me laugh; i love how you're such a kid at heart; i love how you know just how to calm me down; i love how silly you are; i love how hard you work for our family; i love how you appreciate me; i love how generous you are; i love how patient you are; i love how honest you are; i love how kind you are; i love how i could go on and on about you!

just one more thing.....

i love how cute you are.....

(one cute cookie)

(he still bites his bottom lip like this, and so does Caleb)

(i am told that big hair was in?)

(did i mention that he is silly? and a titans fan?)

(promising my dad that he will take care of me at our rehearsal dinner)

(on our honeymoon)

(the day he became a daddy)

(an amazing daddy)

(an amazing husband)

thank you for being such a wonderful husband!

thank you for being such a wonderful daddy!

thank you for being you!

i love you!